Thursday, January 4, 2007

Assumed Identities

Originally posted 4/4/06

Note: This is fiction, even though it is inspired by Dan Garner's multiple MySpace profiles. It should in no way reflect on Dan's personality or character. Heck, I'm not even sure that all the pages referenced were created by Dan. It's a joke, people.

Bored and lonely during the quiet hours at Tipitina's, Dan took pleasure from an active social life - online. And when his own pages and email addresses weren't getting enough activity to keep him occupied, he'd simply create more. Before long, he had 32 MySpace pages. One for himself, one for his music, one for his business, one for his city and one for the next city over. Pages for fantastical mayoral candidates, talking lawn chairs, giant rabbits, favorite artists, an animated piece of sidewalk chalk and a dangerously disturbed carbonation bubble. Within a couple of weeks, friends lists all over Shreveport were flooded with Dan Garner's different pages.

One morning Dan logged on to check the Giant Bunny's page, and found that his password had been changed. No problem, he thought, I must have just gotten it mixed up with another page. I'll have them email it to me. But he couldn't log in to the corresponding email address, either. Uh-oh. All these pages may be getting out of hand. I'll have to start writing all my passwords down. And so he double-checked all his other accounts and catalogued everything, but never could get back onto the Giant Bunny account.

Yet, Giant Bunny was still making friends and leaving comments. Had he been hacked?

If so, the hacker had some balls. There was a friend request from Giant Bunny in his mailbox. It must be one of my co-workers. I'll play along.

But even after going to great lengths to record his passwords, keep his favorite accounts on his home computer, and protect his profiles from break-ins, he kept losing control of more and more of his creations.

Dan Garner: Who are you?

GiantBunny: im the giant bunny

Dan Garner: I know you have hacked into my account. I just want to know who you are.

GiantBunny: ???

Dan Garner: What is your real name?

GiantBunny: dan

Dan Garner: Asshole.

 ** Dan Garner has signed off **

Dan, aka Giant Bunny, sat in confusion. What was Mr. Garner so upset about? He emailed his friends: Elliot Vaughn, Shreveport, Bossier City, the talking lawn chair, the sidewalk chalk, the carbonation bubble and all the rest. They all deleted Mr. Garner from their pages. And Mr. Garner woke up from his nap still wondering who was stealing his identity. It would take a while to realize it was him all along.


1 comment:

Kevan said...

LOL ... nice one.